Typical I make my first moaning, grumpy post on the day of get some awesome signal boosting that helps the blog oodles. So for those new readers I hope you are not just here for Emo Benji. You’ll have to wait at least 3 or 4 more days for that.
Well the positivity of the signal boosting got me thinking of the future direction of the blog and what I want to achieve with my words.
Themes, hopefully I can develop the blog to have a flow. If I can tie it in with a schedule. I can help my readers know what to expect. Also, this will give me a chance to offer specific content. I will continue to write daily, but this would allow my readers to drop in and out of certain things without feeling left behind.
Here is my ideas for schedule:
- Media Monday – gaming, TV, film and podcasts and much more discussed
- Thursday Topic Talk – interviews and chats
- Saturday suggestions – q and as, ideas, future plans, blog discussion
- Rest of the week – biographical journey on my therapeutic path.
I am looking for my niche, trying to find where I want to go with my blog this ties in nicely with my vision…
Depression/mental health problems are like a forest and we are stuck in the middle. Every tree is a different problem and can affect us in a different way. Being stuck in the forest, we are lost. No direction seems to result in leaving the forest. The forest is treacherous. We can see some problems and are able to deal with those trees in view. But around every corner is a new tree and a new situation to deal with.
My view is that medical assistance comes from some one making a jigsaw of the forest. They need you to describe as many trees as possible and where they are so grey can piece together the puzzle. They can help find where we are and how to get out.
I believe I an out of the forest with help. The road I am on is still very lush and green and sometimes a tree will be fallen in the road.
There is a slight incline to the hill and I can see it develops into a mountain in front of my eyes. This mountain is happiness. Just seeing it is enough for most of us. I believe that the further up the mountain there will be less trees and I will be able to look down on my forest of mental health. Perhaps I will finally see the forest for what it is.
This is my journey from the edge of the forest. I aim to climb this mountain. However I have to be realistic because even in this metaphor I am disabled and the journey will be hard.
I am no longer lost in the forest. It’s effects still linger, however now I am out I can see other people making their own journeys and I am able to ask them for help and in turn help them on their way.
Today, marks 10 years of my relationship with Luz. That’s got to be our tea and cake relationship landmark. I think we should definitely celebrate with Tea and Cake as the normal anniversary theme of minerals and precious stones, simply isn’t as tasty.
I will box your ears with content about Luz and you will get to know my view of her. She is a private person, by nature, this I found to be intriguing as we first met, but it also makes me appreciate so much the closeness and depth of the life we share.
She is my companion, my best friend and my inspiration. She is the reason I continue, she is my hope for future. I remember at some of my lowest moments I demanded and pleaded she leave me to live her own life. I didn’t want to drag her down into my spiral of depression.
I have been lucky in my life to have people stand by me, when I’m not entirely sure I did anything to deserve it. Luz us the ultimate example of loyalty. She didn’t buy into a life caring for a disabled partner, however she took the role and stepped up and made it her own.
She is a different kind of special.
After 10 years you realise that words have been said, gestures made. For me however I will not stop.
- I love you
- You are beautiful
- You….are smarter than I
- You are so talented
- Thank you
- Where is my birthday present?
Anyone who is lucky enough to share their lives will know it is not always calm waters. I mean Luz and I are at sea in an old rowboat with one oar. We still sail though and, our vessel may not look much, but like Luz’s derby namesake, the Millennium Falcon, she has got it where it counts.
I love you.
Comment: “I actually do hope people read this and can help me understand why the attention I ask for and crave is so reluctantly given.”
Honestly? Because no one likes attention seekers. You say your blog (that you’ve written for two weeks and expect to have committed readers already?!) is about positivity, but that one post I just read seems to be a moaning, self pitying post trying to guilt your family and friends into sharing your blog.
It’s well written, keep writing and people will find it, you’re not going to go viral after two weeks
So I received my first contact today on the blog. I don’t particularly agree with the fact it’s anon and hidden.
This is a fundamental problem with the internet. People will have a strong and disagreeing opinion, but not have the stones to identify themselves for retort.
Constructive criticism is fine. For me this uses the word honestly. You read one post and missed the content of all the others. You missed the conclusion of the one post you did read. Most of all you must understand that having mental health problems means that I don’t always react in the correct way to situations. I have bad days, and this isn’t just a case of not having enough sleep, someone being rude or just feeling down. My bad days are an extremely hectic confusion of both self loathing and agonising pain.
There is no intention from the blog I wrote to guilt anyone in my life. As stated numerous times in my previous posts I love my family and friends dearly. The issue raised that we struggle to ask for help in our lives. When we reach out and ask for help no matter what form that takes we hope that someone hears our cry. We look for our good samaritan to stand up and say ‘I care and I want to help’
I wasn’t looking to go viral, but to expect people to help and share surely cannot be considered rude. Actually this was proved, simply by the fact that yesterday I asked for shares and today I have more feedback and even your contact. While I disagree with your sentiment I thank you for taking the time to read, the time to comment, and the compliment on my writing. I do however ask that you read my other blogs as it may help you understand further.
I speak about my reactions to situations and this mail is a very good example. For me last year and for the past five or six years before I would have replied to this post with venom and vitriol. Now I am self aware enough to realise while I disagree, thee is still issues that are needed to be discussed. I also speak about how I beleive that most of the time our knee jerk reaction is actually more of a reflection of ourselves and our own life story. So for me attacking your post would be a kin to attacking you personally. While I disagree with your point, I do believe you are writing because you perhaps see something in what you read that resonates with yourself. Something caused that spark of passion for you to reply to me.
It is a shame you were anon as perhaps we could have continued this tête-à-tête further and understood each other better. I shall leave you with this rebuttal and hope that next time you contact we can do it on equal terms, sharing identity.
Thank you again for taking the time out of your life to experience a moment of mine.
THE FINAL STRAW
I just called it Final Straw because I didn’t want to call it ‘The Conclusion’. I have discovered this week that thinking of names possible isn’t my forte. A conversation between Luz and myself on possible name ideas for the blog ended with me basically wishing my mutant power was to absorb books and know their vocabulary. Shit, we have that power don’t we. I need to use my kindle more. So any book suggestions from people feel free to share away.
Have a great day!