Sing With Me, Sing For The Year
Sing For The Laughter, Sing For The Tear
Sing With Me Just For Today
Maybe Tomorrow, The Good Lord Will Take You Away
Today I want to stand up and be proud. so I am going to.
Featured Image – A double rainbow taken from my window at the weekend. I was struggling to think what I wanted to talk about today, But this image reminded me of what is good in the world.
Featured Song – Aerosmith – Dream On. It really is an Anthem of positivity. It makes you want to hold the person next to you close, throw an arm in the air, and cheer with, ahem Glee (I will be proud to say I loved Shuster and NPH doing Dream on)
Ok lets be honest as a kid I was confused. I was Junior from Cool Runnings in my head. I was so proud of myself, my world was a constant source of pride.
I dreamt big, I had such self confidence, I stood up to be counted!
Somewhere along the lines my pride has been diluted. Through Disability and life in general, I have been left without the passion I remember I once had.
But now, I am back. I literally feel like a part of me has been plugged back in, and you know what?
I SEE PRIDE
I SEE POWER
I SEE A BADASS MOTHER
WHO WONT TAKE NO CRAP OFF OF NOBODY
Well ok, the last line might not be quite true, I am still standing on the edge of the world. Screaming to get my voice heard along with everyone else. But I have pride! It can come to you in so many ways and we can have it for the most diverse or unknown aspects of our lives.
It feels like part of my life turned a corner, when I realised that I wasn’t honest with my self. I wouldn’t accept my disability, it made me contemplate, what else in my life did I not accept about myself. In reality, it was quite a lot of things. My pride, my self worth was so low and so distant, nothing I was stood up for mattered.
I have pride in:
- My Heritage – My family, their achievements, their history, their futures.
- My Life – The choices I have made and decisions, have led me to this moment. wrong or right, I am happy to be a part of this world.
- My Self Image – I am perhaps a little unhealthy in regards of my weight, but I feel a veil has been lifted from being afraid to be myself. I have gorgeous hair and a beard which really helps.
- My Sexuality – I am Bisexual, this is something I feel I need to be more vocally proud of, sexuality can be very difficult for many people and having support and help can make that so much easier. I have always been bisexual, I had crushes on both boys and girls as long as i can remember feeling desire. I don’t talk about it enough, not through shame, but through lack of pride. This is something I can actively improve about myself. See this is good, You are learning, I am learning, Its like group therapy, but you are just sitting there reading, so you better be learning something about yourself too! If you want to speak about sexuality, feel free to engage me via your preferred social media platform.
- My voice – I talk very loudly, when I get going. But i struggle on the first step, getting heard. Through this writing and reconnecting I have rediscovered my voice slightly
- My Dreams – What I want? no don’t be silly, life is “I want, doesn’t get” But gads that is so negative. Dream, dream big. What do you want? Go and bloody well get it then. Try, our dreams need to be spoken out loud, we need to share our wishes our hopes and then maybe they will become reality.
This weekend was disappointing for many people in the UK. On Saturday I was lucky enough to go and see Gotham Allstars Vs London Brawling for the 2nd time.
Before my afternoon had begun, I was in a low place, pain spasms, flare ups, anxiety and frustrations. To say this is like torture, really undersells how excruciating A bad day can be. But this weekend I shared a photo of myself in distress, and the people who took a moment to breath some of their life into me. Just wow. I forget the power of other people. We so often during anxiety and panic want to be as far away from another living being (except maybe cats), we forget the healing powers that other people have. Love and care is totally underestimated as a cure. Maybe you know someone ill or perhaps there is someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, and you wish you had. Well go now, find them on the internet, send them a message, just remind them you care and acknowledge their need for help, even if they aren’t asking quite yet.
We pulled up to the derby, bout 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabby, “yo home, cya later”… Does anyone else just constantly enter pop culture, songs, films, tv, adverts into their every day conversations? obviously this is quite an obvious one, but sometimes i can pull a bloody cereal advert from childhood out midway during saying something.
Anyhew, We pulled up to the bout, to see a group of Luz’s team sat in the queue right in front of the disabled parking bay. It was nice coz familiar faces. Obviously too nervous to actually speak to them…Doh. We sat in the car, I had my crafty and we relaxed before trying to navigate getting in. This is when I got a real sense of pride. Just people watching, I realised how happy everyone in the queue was. In turn, I felt myself smiling, and trying to make contact with the queue walking past us. Everyone who caught my eye smiled back. It was so simple, but so heartwarming. They didn’t care who I was, what I was, anything, It was simple. I smile, you smile.
Sunday was a day of relax. With it came a very welcome burst of energy, So Luz and I went for a drive around the local countryside, With the intention of finding somewhere nice with a view to stop and enjoy our flask of tea. It didn’t quite goto plan; In its beautiful local greenery, most hedges, trees and laybys are totally overgrown, so you can see very little. But the driving around gave me and Luz a chance to just natter, that is so easily distracted at home. I forget how therapeutic talking and listening can be.
Luz had sent this video to me in the morning which had been our inspiration to go out.
I sometimes don’t show my passion and pride in my life enough. I look forward to sharing more of that as my life continues. I think because I became so recluse, I almost forgot how to share myself. I sit at home most days alone, forgetting that I have the capacity to invite others into my world. I think sometimes I spent so much time waiting and letting life happen to me, I forgot how to reach out and grab it.
Right, It has been a long weekend, I will leave you as always, with the title song. Aerosmith just rock the world, most of their songs are anthemic and sing a long worthy, but you really have to stand up and just sing along to this one! Come on. take 5 minutes, crank up the volume and be proud of who you are!
and for those who want a bit of the Glee cheesiness
If all this wasn’t enough…how about Luz doing an impression of a dancing dinosaur?