Written by Benjiman Grant

You’ve Woken Up The Demon In Me!

Today I speak a little about my psychotherapy!

Featured Image – Deetoo in full cute mode, she knows cute means she gets fed. Just impossible to resist her. She is definitely in charge!

Title Song – Disturbed – Down With The Sickness – OOO AAHHH AHH AHHH!!! Great song! catchy metal really needs a revival!


After finishing my psychotherapy I wrote this testimonial for my treatment:

Over the past 7 years I have been debilitated by a Chronic Pain, that is both constant and excruciating. I was eventually diagnosed with CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome), but due to lack of understanding and treatment, I have received very little in the way of support and care. This is until another symptom showed itself, I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. This lead to a turmoil of my personal condition and eventually I found myself at a point which I can only describe as rock bottom.

I never wanted to commit suicide, but I didn’t want to be alive, this world, my life and my reason for being in it was in question. I wanted to escape, and with this feeling my brain seemed to hit his lowest moment. Nothing made sense to me, I was confused and lost. Anger was prevalent, and in my lowest moments, my darkest and most painful thoughts manifested themselves.

Fortunately two professionals stood up and saw themselves counted in turning my life around. Firstly my Psychiatrist Dr. Gary Drybala, who had been seeing me on regular intervals for a few years, and then his suggestion for treatment with my Psychotherapist Dr. Tracey Alexander.

This letter I write as a testament to their dedication and treatment skills, but also the treatment programs I was involved in. As someone who is very familiar with the treatment systems that are less than successful, I am very proud to speak up when there is a clear success.

Previously my experience came in the form of short physical therapy sessions, that were over before the began. This has been a constant issue for me for years, nothing has ever been solved, or even close to management of symptoms. Which is where I was cautious at the beginning of my Psychotherapy, but immediately my qualms were quashed, simply by knowing that this was going to be a course of therapy that would last until we had made a difference. At that time I had no clue how successful anything would be. I was in a negative state of mind,  but being told that I had time, I had support and I had the freedom to be comfortable in the knowledge that my care was important.

Over the course of 20 months, my Psychotherapy (a once a week, hour-long appointment) helped me claw my life back, helped me resolve deep and painful realisations and basically gave me the will to live again. It by no means was a cure, but it took a person who was ready to die and made that person someone who wanted to be alive.

I am still disabled and before therapy, I couldn’t admit that to myself. But when I did; I became a person again.

To say thank you to the treatment of my therapy would be giving it a disservice, hence this letter. There is no financial boon I can reap upon the team who helped me, no gift, nor donation I can make. But I do believe we live in a world, where everything is question for its financial value, where in some situations people slip through the gaps. I feel lucky I am not one of those people. Due to this Psychotherapy treatment, its open-ended nature, its constant support and its high quality treatment; I have a life. I don’t mean to make that statement as a hyperbole, but simply as the truth. Psychotherapy saved my life and gave me an opportunity to start living it.

Therefore I can say is thank you, I was left with the ability to write this testament and to be able to truly understand what it means to have medical professionals going out of their way to make my life better. My Doctors are the visible level of that, but of course I am aware of the support staff involved, and the people who make treatments like these available. People who might have to fight hard to keep people like me getting these treatments, you need to know how much it is helping.

I hope that this treatment is made available to as many patients as possible in my circumstance. I also think there is many things to be learnt from this treatment method in the physical therapy side of things. I support long-term treatment, for chronic and terminal conditions.

I can now look forward at my own life, where once I saw only darkness. I am willing to add this support and my treatment files to any action that will keep long-term services like this continuing and thriving.

Thank you for taking the time to read my account and please do not hesitate to contact if I can offer any further support to the treatment program.

Many Thanks

Benjamin Grant

Yes sometimes I can spell my name right ^^

Psychotherapy for me was intimidating and scary when I first thought of the idea, I mostly focused on the Psycho aspect of the treatment. I felt nervous, because just accepting this treatment for me felt like an admission of how far I had fallen. I had no idea what it would entail. It took me maybe 3/4 sessions to start getting real feedback and I felt I started to know more about myself!

If you are struggling with chronic and invisible illness, there really is a high likelihood that you might be suffering with a mental condition. Psychological therapy can help you understand yourself so much more. It has helped me to focus on my physical disability and be a lot calmer and ultimately happier and more positive!

Down With The Sickness

Lyrically this song is very fitting for my experiences going through therapy. However I chose this song more for the music. It’s a proper get up and have a rock out song. I used to love metal nights out in Leicester at Alcatraz/Oxygen, or Rock City in Nottingham, many moons ago. This song was a guaranteed floor filler. Turn it up to max and until next week, Enjoy!


5 thoughts on “You’ve Woken Up The Demon In Me!

  1. First is the last – I appreciate you using Disturbed to support your point. More importantly though this is wonderful for me to read at this particular moment. I had just gotten accepted into a program that focuses on mental health. My mental health has been ignored more of my life despite it making it harder for me to function because 1. I had an abusive family where I was not allowed to say anything and 2. My 12 physical illnesses were always more urgent. Now I am finally, 26 years too late, getting mental help for my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I am scared and nervous, but if I hadn’t been accepted into this program I am almost sure it would have been the end of me. I talk mostly about my physical illnesses on my blog, but as this process goes on I am hoping I’ll find the courage to open up about my mental issues as well as I begin to give them the attention they so desperately need. Your post makes me a little less nervous and a little more hopeful. Thank you, darling!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you have any questions or want more information about it please don’t hesitate to ask. I can give private contact via contact me page also.

      So glad to hear you are getting the help you deserve! It will be scary at times but I can tell you almost a year on from ending mine I am still learning more about myself and getting happier every day!

      Wookieehugs xx


    1. Wow, just wow, all of your amazing comments, all of your passion and vibrance! thank you so much from the absolute bottom of my heart! I sometimes have more difficult days, and Its a pressure and can be hard to find the motivation past the pain. But getting feedback like yours makes me so confident in what I am writing and that I am doing it for the right reasons.

      I hope to continue to inspire others who might find it difficult, but always know I am thankful and grateful for the generosity which you shared your kindness. It may not seem like much, but you in turn have helped inspire me further!

      I hope you are well today and if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to please feel free to contact me – most of my details are at the bottom of this page https://benjimangrant.wordpress.com/contact-me/
      I hope many smiles can find you!

      big love and wookieehugs! xx


      Liked by 1 person

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